


and I know it's not clever (I just want you with me)

by AndreaLyn



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Happy Ending, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 03:21:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18023798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreaLyn/pseuds/AndreaLyn
Summary: Alex is the one who ended things at the drive-in, which means Guerin has every right to move on. Only, did it have to happen so soon and did it have to be with Alex's old friend from the Air Force?





	and I know it's not clever (I just want you with me)

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from _Half of Something Else_ by Airborne Toxic Event!

The Wild Pony is crowded with locals tonight, which is unfortunate, because Alex isn’t in the mood to deal with any of them. He’s been drinking at the cabin on his own these days, but that’s something that eventually leads you to that thing alcoholics do – you know, the whole it becoming a problem thing, needing it to survive. That thing. The thing that did Jim Valenti in.

Besides, tonight he has a good reason to head into town and endure the insanity.

Josh Franklin is in town and there’s nothing in the world that could stop Alex from seeing him. They’d become close friends a few years back when Josh had confided in Alex about his struggles in coming out. Since then, he’d always made time when Josh, with his all-American good looks and down-home folksy charm, swung into town. Of course Alex had a crush on him for a while because he’s the kind of guy anyone could fall for, but in the end, they’d decided they needed each other more as friends than anything else.

Besides, Alex won’t admit it out loud, but he’s not so sure he ever got over Michael Guerin.

It’ll be good to connect with someone from that recent part of his life that doesn’t remind him of his father or his injury. Alex could especially use any distraction to shut up that incessant little voice in his head that keeps asking if he did the right thing at the drive-in or just the thing his father had wanted him to do.

He’s adjusting his cane as he steadies himself, on his way to find Josh at the bar when Maria stops him before he can make it through the crowd. 

“You here to join your handsome friend?” Maria asks. “If I didn’t know he was gay, I would’ve been mad at you for keeping him from me.”

Alex is all smiles, but he’s curious how she knows that he’s gay. It’s not like he hides it, but Josh isn’t the type of guy to go around shouting it at the first chance he gets. Maria nudges him towards the bar and he can see Josh sitting there with a beer, but he’s not alone. Stunned, frozen in place, he’s not sure he’s actually seeing this right. 

Michael Guerin is with him, his arm around Josh.

“Oh, that?” Maria says, when Alex’s expression must give away how stunned he is. “They’ve both been in here every day this week and they’re chummy now. I think Guerin asked him out two days ago or vice-versa, but they were at the Crashdown sharing milkshakes, or so Liz tells me.” 

They’ve been on a date. Josh is in town and before Alex even got to see him, he’s made a move on Alex’s ex-something.

 _Oh_.

That’s – okay. It’s fine, right? He can’t be seen with a criminal, but it’s fine if Guerin wants to date other guys. It’s not like Alex walking away from him meant that he couldn’t be with anyone else, but maybe Alex figured that he would wait at least a little longer to start. He’d sort of also assumed it wouldn’t be someone in the Air Force when he did move on.

Which leads him to the whole mess that’s Josh Franklin going on dates with Guerin. 

He’s pissed off, but he’s not sure if he’s mad at Josh or Guerin or someone else entirely, but he’s here to see Josh tonight and that means Guerin doesn’t get to muscle in on that. He gives Maria a terse smile as he heads over to the bar, looming over Guerin as best as he can, clearing his throat in the middle of some ridiculous story Guerin is telling about high school.

“…and then he took that stupid frog and…” Guerin swivels, enough that he’s peering at Alex through his curls, smiling in that slow, sexy, stupid way that says he’s about to pick a fight just to get a rise out of Alex. “Airman.”

“Guerin,” Alex gets out tightly. “Josh.”

“Hey man,” Josh greets him cheerfully, either not picking up on the tension or deciding to coast right past it. Alex isn’t paying much attention to Josh, because Guerin isn’t looking away, like he knows how much of a weapon he wields with those eyes.

In the end, it’s Alex who falters, breaking eye contact and practically sagging from the release of it all.

“I’ll leave you two to catch up,” Guerin says, clapping Josh on the shoulder. “I’ll see you…?”

“Yeah,” Josh agrees. “Maybe.”

Alex orders them beers so that he has an excuse to turn his back to Guerin. Ever since the drive-in, it’s been too awkward to be in the same room as him, which is why he hasn’t been to the Pony, despite Maria’s insistence that he come visit. He’d countered with the suggestion that she visit him, and because she’s a better person than him, she had.

Now, though, there’s no hiding the tension between them. 

Josh laughs when Guerin finally walks far enough away that he’s no longer in earshot. “Damn, Manes,” he marvels. “Did he piss in your cornflakes or something?”

“Or something,” is all Alex says, jaw tense. “I’m not here for Guerin, I’m here to see you. It’s been ages, catch me up on everything!”

For almost an hour, they talk about everything that’s been happening. Josh talks about his sisters and his latest assignment. Alex talks about what it was like coming back to Roswell to work with his father and how he’s been feeling since the injury. They order another round and talk about the good old days, but things go downhill when Josh leans in and nudges Alex with his shoulder.

“So? Seeing anyone?”

He refuses to look back and catch Guerin’s eye, because that’s not happening. He’s an airman, he can’t be with a criminal. It’s a mantra he repeats daily because if he doesn’t, he’s pretty sure he'll fold and lose all his self-respect for it. 

Alex inhales and holds the breath for as long as it takes for him to cast out any of the longing or regret from his voice. “I’m still getting used to being home and figuring out how many half-marathons I can run with the new hardware,” he jokes. “And you? I hear you and Guerin have been spending time together.”

Alex has no idea why he’s decided to pour salt in his own wound, but there’s a part of him that needs to know how serious this is. 

“He’s a genius,” Josh says, in awe of Michael Guerin. Alex remembers that. He remembers sitting in class and watching how Guerin used to answer questions with ease, like no problem was ever too difficult. How he could play such beautiful music and tune up his car, how he could always steal Alex’s attention, like he was the brightest star in the galaxy. “It’s a good time. We hang out, grab some food, he’s decent company.”

It doesn’t sound serious, which is good. Still, Alex isn’t sure he’d be able to handle it if things changed.

“I mean, you’re not staying long, though. It’s a fling, right?”

Josh laughs as he sips at his beer. “Manes, they have this thing called e-mail and cell phones? I hear they’re pretty incredible. Maybe we’ll keep this thing going once I’m gone, it’s not like we’re serious, but it’s been nice.”

 _Fuck_.

“Right, yeah,” Alex laughs, starting to feel tight and anxious. “I mean, if you guys hit it off, that’s awesome. That’s great. That’s really cool.” He thinks he’d probably said one too many reassurances and he needs to peel it back. “Kind of scruffy and dirty, though.”

“Yeah,” Josh agrees, biting his lip. “I like that in a man.”

This is definitely not going the way he wanted and he has the feeling Josh has already figured out that Alex is protesting too much, but he also doesn’t seem to be swayed. “You know he’s arrested weekly,” Alex says, feeling like he’s starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel of excuses.

“Oh yeah,” Josh agrees, grinning as he looks past Alex to where Guerin is sitting in a booth. Guerin catches them looking, working his mouth over the neck of a bottle of beer, raising his eyebrows at the both of them. “This week, he had some company. The two of us got locked up together when a couple of the locals decided they didn’t like the look of two men in the alley, enjoying themselves.” 

He doesn’t look bothered. If anything, he looks thrilled. Alex is starting to feel like he’s lost complete control of the situation. 

“That doesn’t bother you?”

“Why should it?” Josh asks. “He’s great in…”

“You said your sister had a kid?” Alex interrupts, because he will melt into the ground if he has to listen to Josh talk about how good Guerin is in bed. “You must be so excited!”

His distraction clearly isn’t subtle, but even though Josh gives him a ‘you’re being weird’ look, he takes the topic change and runs with it. They spend the rest of the night in Guerin-free conversation and Alex convinces himself that he can do this. He can talk to his friend, who’s sleeping with and sometimes dating his ex-whatever Guerin had been to him.

The pain of dealing with that is new, but he’ll figure that out. He’s learned to deal with pain a long time ago and this is just a new kind to add in with the rest.

* * *

The next night, Josh and Guerin are back at the Wild Pony, drinking and probably having a great time. Alex forces himself not to think about the two of them in the alley or the bathroom or even in a booth, flaunting themselves right in front of the whole town. He doesn’t go inside. He’s not sure he can bear to see it. 

Alex is sitting outside in the parking lot in his truck, and he’s _not_ being a creep or stalking anyone. He’s just sitting there, thinking.

He’d spent a long, sleepless night coming to grips with the reality that Guerin is going to date other people. At least when it’s girls, Alex comforted himself with the fact that it’s not something Alex could’ve given him, but another guy? Not just another guy, but another airman? He knows it’s not like Guerin and Josh are going to walk down the aisle, but it leaves him uncomfortable.

He’s all for his friends finding happiness, but not with Michael Guerin.

Because…because, why?

Because he’s a criminal, says his father’s steady voice in his mind.

His sensibility squawks quickly and even though Alex is really good at denial, even he’s not this good. _Because you’re still in love with him and you think he’ll come around instead of finding someone who wants him for him._

Grimacing, Alex keeps staring in the side mirror of his truck, watching the entrance of the Pony obsessively, waiting for Guerin to come out. 

He has a plan, kind of. It mostly goes along the lines of him telling Guerin to stay away from his friends, but the more he thinks about it, the more it starts to fall to pieces, like confetti. The next guy might not be someone that Alex knows. Hell, the next guy might not even be from here and then Guerin will have moved on and maybe even moved out of town. 

What’s he so scared of? Why is he freaking out so much about what his father thinks?

Maybe because it’s the holding pattern he’s been in all his life. 

He’s never exactly made his own road and he’s terrified to, honestly, but at the same time, he thinks he’s just a little more scared of Guerin moving on and out, whether it’s to another state or to someone else’s bed. 

It comes down to this -- 

Sure, it’s not like Guerin is perfect. Yeah, he’s a criminal. The thing is, Alex has been using that as an excuse from his father not to even try. He’s never actually been in a relationship, but he hears about them all the time. The good ones, you work on your shit together. So maybe they can figure out why Alex keeps wanting to walk away and maybe they can both figure out how to stop Michael from giving him those reasons.

In the back of his mind, he hears the “fuck you” to his father that it is, but there’s one other obstacle in the way, in the form of one of his oldest friends. Josh and Guerin are together, leaving arm-in-arm, laughing at something. Alex watches Josh run his fingers through Guerin’s curls, but he doesn’t kiss him.

Which, that’s good, because Alex doesn’t want to end up in a fight with his old friend because of his jealousy. 

From there, Josh heads off in one direction, but Guerin lingers, pressing his heel up against the brick wall of the bar, digging out a flask to take a drink from. He doesn’t look happy, not as happy as someone should be after a date with someone, and Alex feels the flare of hope that leads him from the truck, wobbling a little on his prosthetic, but able to nudge Guerin around the corner, where they can have some privacy. 

“We need to talk,” Alex says.

“Pretty sure talking was never our strong suit,” Guerin replies with that cheeky smirk.

“Shut up,” Alex snaps. “I mean it. I want to talk, and you need to be honest with me. Can you do that?”

Guerin looks like he’s teeing up another comment, but he thinks better of it. There’s a storm of emotions on his face, but eventually he nods and crosses his arms over his chest, nodding at Alex to say whatever it is he has to say. 

So, here goes. Alex is going to start nice and calmly and lay out what he wants. He’s going to ask Guerin if he’s willing to be a mature adult with him. 

At least, that had been his intention. What comes out instead is, “I don’t want you sleeping with Josh,” blurted out.

“Are you serious?” Guerin scoffs, running his hand through his hair, catching Alex’s attention by how the curls shift, play against his cheek. “First I’m not good enough for you to be seen with in front of Isobel. Then, I’m a criminal because I’m trying to make whatever money I can after your little army…”

“Air Force.”

“…whatever! When they shove me off the land and get me fired from my job. Now, you want to dictate who I can sleep with?” 

He’s getting closer, pressing up against Alex, his shoulder pushing him like he’s testing the waters. Alex stands his ground.

“Give me one good reason not to.”

“I don’t want you sleeping with _anyone_ else,” Alex lets his jealousy have a voice. It comes out ugly and shaken, but it comes out.

Guerin presses his lips together and grabs Alex’s lapel with his fist. It’s a dance he knows, Alex’s hand on top of Guerin’s as he gets ready to push him away. He doesn’t, though. Instead of the steady one-two-three-four he knows (Alex baits, Guerin returns, they collide, they part), Alex finds himself tugging Guerin so he _can’t_ drift.

This time, softer, understanding why it bothers him so much, he says it again. “I don’t want you sleeping with anyone but me. I don’t want you sharing milkshakes with my old friends or girls from high school. I want that to be me. I don’t want to think about who’s in your bed or where you are, because I want to know that when I look over, you’ll be there. I want you.”

“Yeah, well, your Dad doesn’t want that,” Guerin reminds him, eyes flashing bright with pain and bitterness and that hand on his lapel flexes and squeezes, just enough to remind Alex about the scars. “Up until a few seconds ago, I didn’t think you wanted it either. You gonna walk away as soon as this jealous fit wears off? Which, don’t get me wrong, you wear it as well as you rocked that eyeliner,” he praises. “But, I can’t keep doing this, Alex. I’m tired.”

“We’re not kids anymore,” he says, and yeah, it’s an old tune he’s repeating, but he means it differently this time. “We shouldn’t be acting like kids,” he says. “If I tell you that something makes me uncomfortable, like what you did with the wire, you need to respect that.”

Guerin opens his mouth, clearly ready to argue and fuck, Alex knows where that leads them.

“And if you need money, then if we’re together, then we’ll figure that out!” he interrupts him, trying to steer them in a new direction. “Whatever that shit is that’s around your Airstream, if it’s for money, then we’ll figure something out that you and I can both live with. Or, is that copper wire and the cash you get from it more important than me?”

This feels a lot like an ultimatum, but he needs to know that Guerin at least respects him enough to answer it. 

“This isn’t about your Dad?”

“No,” Alex breathes out. “I don’t like seeing you pawning copper wire when I know how much of a genius you are. I know you don’t have to, and I don’t know why you’re choosing to, but I know we can figure that out together. That’s what boyfriends do.”

Guerin looks like he’s reeling, eyes wider. “Boyfriends? That’s uh…”

“Too much?” Alex asks warily.

“Bit much coming from the guy who wouldn’t even share bagels with Isobel when she dropped by,” Guerin admits, but he doesn’t look angry. “Why do you care so much about how I make my money?”

“Because I know you,” Alex says quietly. “I know you haven’t had anyone the way that I have or other people do. I know that you do what you need to, in order to get by, but I’m telling you that it doesn’t have to be on your own. Just like,” he says, swallowing his fear and pride, gripping Guerin’s hand tighter as he brings him in, “just like I need you to help me stand up for myself with my Dad, with the people in this town, give me some of that ‘fuck you’ attitude,” he says. “Give me that courage to figure out how to follow my heart and not someone else’s expectations.” 

“I’ve never been anyone’s boyfriend before,” Guerin admits and he sounds unsure in a way that leaves Alex wary that this is going to go badly.

He’s not about to let it go without a fight, for the first time. “I was your first guy. Why not your first boyfriend?”

“You really want to take a chance on me?” 

Alex stares at Guerin and he doesn’t see a macho cowboy. He sees a lost little boy who never had a home and who looked at kindness like it was going to come with a price. It doesn’t shed light on everything, but it makes Alex understand a _lot_. 

“Who else could make me feel seventeen again all the time?” Alex murmurs, closing the distance between them as he looks at Guerin the way he’s been looking at him for years – amazed that he could exist, and that he would want Alex, and that he could make him feel like this. “Yeah. I want this. I want you, and I want us to try this for real.” 

“All it took was me dating your Air Force buddy?” Guerin bites his lip as he leans in so close that the rasp of his stubble brushes Alex’s cheek. His answer, when given, is more air than words, but it’s, “Yes.” 

Alex would love to say they made it back to his truck or Guerin’s trailer to properly celebrate.

If he did, he’d be one hell of a liar.

* * *

Josh swings back into town six months later and asks if Alex will drop by the Wild Pony for a drink. He’s every bit as excited to see Josh as the last time, but for different reasons. He settles into the booth next to Josh, discreetly trying to fix his hair.

“Get some in the parking lot?” Josh teases, gesturing to Alex’s hair.

“Hey babe,” is Guerin’s voice, dangling keys in front of him. “You forgot these,” he says, leaning in to press a kiss to his lips. “Don’t have too much fun and definitely don’t do anything or anyone I have,” he says, to the both of them, in clear warning before he’s off, leaving Alex clutching the truck keys in his hand, smiling with guilty delight as he tames the rest of his hair. 

Josh laughs. “So, your ‘or something’, was it?”

“Boyfriend,” Alex clarifies, stupidly proud and more than a little giddy to say it. 

Boyfriend, best friend, _alien_ apparently, but the last six months have been a roller coaster that Alex is still figuring out, but with Michael working in conjunction with Kyle and Liz at the hospital and earning real money, Alex no longer on speaking terms with his father, and a whole future ahead of them, he doesn’t mind the ride.

“I think you said it best,” Alex says. “He’s not so bad.”

Understatement of the year, but Josh already knows how incredible Guerin is. It’s just the rest of the world that’s going to have to catch up to what Alex has already figured out, but it’s okay. They can take their time, because Alex isn’t going anywhere.

**Author's Note:**

> I am on Tumblr at [andrealyn](http://andrea-lyn.tumblr.com/), though it's mostly tumbleweeds with the occasional gifset through there, but I never say no to more RNM.


End file.
